The Red Onion PIM is defective. Emotionally unstable. Cries constantly. Makes everyone around it cry, too.

The engineering team tried to fix the wiring. Made it worse. Now it's addicted to handheld gaming, loses every chess match to the Jalapeño PIM, and spends all day in Pizza Boss' VR surfing pod trying to escape its problems. Some PIMs are heroes. This one's still in beta.

But maybe that's the point. Not everything works perfectly. Some of us are wired wrong. Some of us cry at nothing. Some of us escape into games and virtual worlds because they bring us comfort.

Did we mention that hugs feel great in this tee?